I remember being surprised when I discovered the very robust online community surrounding the management of newborn sleep. You may think you’ve seen some passionate Facebook groups, but you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. It may seem like such a niche topic, but managing your baby’s wake/sleep cycles will have an outsized impact on your quality of life.
Wake Windows
The most important thing to appreciate is that babies cannot stay awake as long as adults. In fact, a typical newborn can only stay awake for about 45 to 60 minutes, at which point their sleep pressure will be so high that they will either just fall asleep or get very fussy. The periods of wake time are often referred to as “wake windows” in online communities. As babies get older, these windows get longer and the need for napping decreases. Our 9 month for example, can now stay awake for 4 hours at a time and naps only twice a day.
This also means that we have to organize our days around the child’s wake windows. This can be challenging with a newborn since feeding and sleeping are basically constant, so your options for activities are limited. It gets easier over time as the wake windows get longer. Now, for example, we can easily go on a day trip and then make it home for a nap, or sometimes we just plan for a car nap or a stroller nap. If we misjudge and miss a nap or delay it, we pay for it with a very unhappy child, but thankfully this is rare.
The whole point of meeting their sleep needs is to keep their mood and energy levels stable, and to prepare them for sleep overnight. Now, I will say that many online communities will make it seem like a precise science, and that you have to be super perfect with your timing, but allow me to remind you that these are children, not robots. Sometimes things will just not work. They will sometimes be moody and fussy despite your best efforts. Other times you will totally screw up the timing, and they will surprise you with their resilience and flexibility.
Bedtime Routine
The goal after a fun filled day with activities, and well timed naps, is a smooth transition to bedtime. The key here is a consistent bedtime routine. The bedtime routine is different for every parent, but what is important is that there is a stable routine. This way the child is slowly conditioned to understand that bedtime is coming.
It was not long ago that I watched, and laughed, as my sister and brother in law conducted a well orchestrated bedtime routine that spanned an entire hour and involved a bath, two songs (one by each parent), and a bedtime story. The whole song and dance was absurd to me at the time. They told me that I would understand once my time came.
Flash forward to today, and our routine with Luca is not so different from theirs. Most parents recommend common elements to a bedtime routine simply because they work. Common elements being a bath, a bottle, a bedtime story, and for the more new age among us, some colored lights.
Luca knows the drill. He knows that after dinner, he will take a bath to tune of Splish Splash (I Was Taking a Bath). Then, he will be lathered in lotion and slipped into a fresh pair of pajamas. He will then have his final bottle of the day and we will brush his two little teeth. Finally, under a green light we will read him a bed time story. As we transition to a red light, he knows that we will place him in his sleep sack, then hold him for a song or two, and then finally lay him down to sleep.
I take great comfort in the regularity and consistency of the bed time routine, and I think Luca does too.